Having been studying music formally from the age of 8 where I learned the trumpet, I have been subjected to many a performance exam over the past 12 or so years. Grades 1-4 on trumpet, performance components in GCSE, AS and A Level music and of course, 3 years of various modules in my degree which are assessed entirely on how well I perform on the day, I think it is safe to say that performance exams have become fairly second nature to me.
And generally speaking, I am good at them. I have learned how to prepare in the weeks before, how to structure my practice, how to take care of my voice leading up to it, how not to overdo it, how to try and calm my nerves before the exam, and curb the adrenaline once it has all started. I love the entire process, regardless of how draining and stressful the time before the exam often is, nothing beats the feeling once it's all over and done with and you know you've nailed it, and all of that hard work has paid off.
Until recently.
A couple of weeks ago I had my Ensemble performance exam, where myself and 4 other guys from my class (including my tasty fiance of a drummer) are assessed on our ability to take original songs written by BIMM students on the Songwriting course, and arrange them for our band in one coherant genre. It was a 20 minute exam, and we had been rehearsing, literally for months, refining and perfecting our set which had earned us 67% in our mock assessment a week before. We were confident, and when it was over, we were all optimistic with how the exam went, assured of a good grade.
Our results came in a couple of days ago.
54%.
Needless to say, we were all stunned. We hadn't entered that exam with a complacent view of our own ability, no, we had gone in with the attitude of 'well we got 67% in the mock without practicing, so let's work really hard and aim for a First'. So to get the results back and get a low 2:2, I was livid. The feedback we got back was inconsistant, and perhaps a bit too subjective for my liking, and had resulted in the examiners penalising us massively for little things.
Unfortunately for me, this news got broken to me whilst I was halfway through my shift at work. In order to calm myself down so that I didn't end up smashing coffee mugs over customer's heads, I blitzed the kitchen where I was washing up, and prayed. Well, I should say, ranted. Ranted at God about how I should have got better, how I wanted to give up, how I was obviously no good at what I do and that He should have made them mark me fairly. And after a while, I calmed down, and I began to realise who I was speaking to...
....When we approach God, we are approaching the Creator of the Universe. The One who spoke light into being. The One who flung stars into space. The One who created Music itself. The One whom, by Grace, we are saved. A God so mind-bogglingly Holy, that we, mere human sinners, our own efforts to make God's grade will ALWAYS fall short . Like my experience with my performance exam, regardless of how much we really dedicate ourselves to making the grade, the result will still not hit the criteria.
Romans 3 says:
'God makes people right with himself through their faith in Jesus Christ. That is true for all that believe in Christ, because all people are the same: All have sinned and are not good enough for God's glory, and all need to be made right with God by his grace, which is a free gift. They need to be made free from sin through Jesus Christ.' Romans 3:22-24
And what do I get from that? It is easier to become right with God of Creation, by accepting his free gift of Grace, than it is to get a First in a BIMM performance exam.
I know which one I would rather have.
